38 weeks! :O

I'm going to be bad this week and not bother with a belly shot or the standard weekly questions. Because I feel like crap and I just can't believe I'm still preggo. I remember thinking in my early weeks how great it would be to make it to 38 weeks. But let me be the first to admit that I've been 'done' being pregnant for the last week, and hated being pregnant these last few days. 

It sounds so awful to say that, but I went into this blogging journey to be honest with how things are going and how I'm feeling. So not holding back....I've absolutely hated being pregnant these last few days. I've gotten no sleep (while everyone keeps spouting to me 'oh enjoy sleep while you can!' psh), my belly has gotten so heavy that the pressure on my hips and legs is unreal, I get bouts of nausea and I can't figure out why and to top it all off, I can't take baths anymore because apparently that's too relaxing and it might slow/stop labor. WAH!

Everyone, David and myself especially, is just on edge waiting for Jack and Clare's big arrival, which doesn't make all these "early stages of labor" things any easier.

For the past couple of days, I just hurt all over. That's about the only consistent thing. And that's the thing I'm learning about going into labor....things need to be consistent for it to be the real deal. Which is irritating because the only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that I've been consistently miserable the past few days. 

I look up the difference between false labor and active labor and I fit into both categories. A big difference is where you feel contraction pain. Does it start in your lower abdomen? That's false labor. Active labor contractions start in your back and work their way forwards. But anyone will tell you that contractions feel like horrible menstrual cramping. Which for me did not happen in my back. So that's confusing. 

Plus my back is pretty much in a state of pain all the damn time now because I've got so much friggin weight in my front. What's a girl to do? Not go to the hospital, that's what >:(

I really thought, in my 1st time mom naïveté, that one day I'd wake up and be all like "IT IS TIME", and go to the hospital and that's where all the pain, nerves, and waiting would kick in.

Nope, it happens at home. Which again,  I've heard so many stories of women telling me "yeah I waited at home, just working through my contractions" like they were so confident that they were feeling contractions. They knew they were in labor and their motherly instincts told them to stay at home, that their little bundle of joy wasn't ready yet.
How come I'm not sure!? What's wrong with my motherly instincts?! Maybe this isn't the real deal! But it should be, this is their due date time!

Le sigh. So much ranting. I know I should be focusing on mellowing out but this has truly been the hardest part of being pregnant. And I just didn't expect it to be, for some reason.

I will admit it's been super cute how David has kicked into 'Dad Mode' this past week. One night he sat me down and wanted to go through every possible 'Jennica is going into labor' scenario, and advise him on what he should do. He's constantly checking in on me, talking to my belly telling the kids how excited he is to meet them. He likes being in control of the situation, and this is definitely one of those times that he just can't be. 

I didn't realize that as much as a horrible waiting game this is for me, it's just as bad (ok...nearly as bad haha) for him. He has to go to work and wait for my call, which I know makes him uncomfortable. 

At least I know that I don't know what's going on with my body. But he has to ask me what the status is, and every time I get weepy, trying to explain the pain I'm feeling, I know he feels pretty helpless. Which again, I thought we'd be going through at the hospital...not for days and days at home. 

So I guess this is my [pretty depressing] update. 
I'm 38 weeks today. 
I'm not sure if I'm in labor. 
I really want to be.