I've been plagued with envy this last month especially. Single baby envy. Obviously I love both Jack and Clare to pieces, and any time I'm thinking, "I like Clare a little bit better right now" (or vice versa...) I pick up Jack and think "Psh, no you're my favorite too". There's been quite a few times recently though, I've caught myself thinking "if I only had one baby..."
like if I only had one baby, I could go out with him/her and be able to nurse no big deal
if I only had one baby I would have a regular stroller that can fit in between ridiculously small aisles in stores
if I only had one baby I would be able to rock him/her to sleep every night
if I only had one baby I could grab him/her in the middle of the night when they were hungry and nurse lying down in bed
if I only had one baby I wouldn't have half as many people stopping us when we do go out, prolonging a quick outing
if I only had one baby, sometimes I think it would be WAY easier
BUT
it might not be. Because I hear/read/see all the time new parents of a little one who seem to be struggling more than me. Who have issues nursing, or have a colicky baby, or an unhealthy baby.
And this is going to sound horrible, absolutely horrible, but I follow a few twin mom Instagrammers who have preemie babes, who are so sick and need so much love and help. And part of me knows I follow them not just because they're fellow twin moms, but because it's a daily reminder to appreciate my two babies.
My two healthy, happy babies who are able to cry because their lungs work properly. Who need to be held sometimes for no reason because I'm their favorite person, and just being in my arms makes them feel the happiest. Who wake up two-three times a night because they breastfeed and it's digested faster. But when they both want all of that at the same time, somehow 2 +2 doesn't equal 4. My two arms fall short of holding two babies.
Blah, this is pretty rambly, but I can only vent to my family so much until it becomes obnoxious. So, dear blog, I write to you in hopes that Future Me reads this, is reminded to never take for granted the two littles, and know that even though having one might look easier, what you've got is so much better.
