Jack and Clare: One Month!

We made it! The little Bunch Beans are a month old! (as of 3 days ago...) I shouldn't say "we made it" like it was really terrible, but it really has been the best month of my life. Better than [obviously] all of college, better than my time in DC, better than my time in London, better than Paris, better than my wedding (sorry my sweet love), better than chocolate. Ok, no maybe not better than chocolate. I couldn't have made it through this month without chocolate. Because although it has been DA BEST month ever, it truly has been the hardest. 
David and I have been blessed with really great babes. They aren't fussy...usually if they are crying and they've eaten, been changed, and burped, they just want cuddles. I mean...how can we get mad about that? But I'm still up at all hours of the night since they ate every 2 hours in the beginning (and in the beginning, I was feeding them separately so it was literally like I'd start nursing and by the time I was done with 2nd one, the other would be rearing up to eat again! Tandem feeding is the ONLY saving grace!) and now every 3 hours, and sometimes a blessed 4 hour stretch. So in my sleep deprived state, I've definitely had a meltdown.
A I-can't-handle-this-anymore meltdown. But the funny thing was, that in the middle of my inconsolable crying and thoughts about how I'm pretty sure I've never felt more of a failure or more broken, I was still thinking about how much I love them. Postpartum hormones...this is why they are needed.

Anyway, here are some things I've learned in my short but sweet one month as a parent:

-Parenting with your husband isn't something that just comes naturally. A lot of communication is needed, otherwise expectations turn into fights
-Seeing your husband sing and coo and snuggle with your baby while you hold your other baby is for sure the best part of having twins
-Swaddling is not to be underestimated. We LOVE the Swaddle Pods by Summer Infant. They are a fraction of the price of Woombie (which admittedly we haven't tried) and zip up from the top AND the bottom, which makes middle of the night diaper changes much more bearable for everyone

-Diapers.com is seriously the best website. Free next day shipping for $49 orders is aaaaahmazing
-Always have the new diaper ready to put on that baby bottom! You think they are done making goo but then they shotgun some out
-Spit up is apparently totally normal as long as baby is gaining weight and isn't bothered by the huge stream of milk gushing out of their mouth. 
-At least one daytime nap is necessary for whichever parent is up more at night. The mom. The mom needs the daytime nap.
-Sticking with breastfeeding is SO SO worth it. It's painful and horrible and frustrating. Until it isn't. One day or one night it turns really magical. Because the smiles and cooing and fake giggles all happen right after you nurse, and it's the best feeling knowing you made those happen.
-Walks are awesome
-Baths are awesome

Ok, there's more I'm sure but for now, here's some [ok...a lot] of my favorite pics of my littles :) See if you can tell who is who! It's a game I play in the middle of the night hehe

First headband :) not the biggest fan of them. Me, not her. She didnt care

Hehehe he outgrew preemie size real fast

First bath! Jack loved, Clare not so much. But Jack had just eaten, to be fair.
She loves them now :)

First dress! And our fave Clare face

Ok, I can't remember whose feet these are...

First time I caught both of them smiling on camera

I love her dimples!!!!

This swaddle was a bit too much hahaha

First time they are in the exact same outfit. Jack is a full pound heavier than her here (9/21/14)
When we last weighed them (on 9/19), Jack was 8lbs 3oz and Clare was 7lbs 8oz. Chunky monkeys!!
Or getting there at least ;D

Jack and Clare: Birth Story

We're now 17 days postpartum [although by the time I get around to posting this, I'm sure it'll be later...{it is! We're now 23 days postpartum hehe}] and before I forget the details of the most important day ever, I thought I'd start writing down the deets of my little beans birth. This is ridiculously long, and like I said more for myself than anything, so apologies if you don't want to read! I won't judge if anyone just skips this post ;)

Sunday night was like all the other ones leading up to the big day....me feeling super uncomfortable, waiting for consistent contractions, getting frustrated that nothing was happening, thinking that I was going to be pregnant forever, reminding myself that there was no way for me to be pregnant forever. My mom was over that night since David was working. We hung out watching TV and she gave me an awesome hand and foot massage. I had read that pressure points in your hands and feet can help kick start labor, and while she was rubbing me down, I knew I was feeling contractions. Still nothing consistent or rhythmic but something! More than I'd felt after eating spicy food, walking and bouncing on a yoga ball (all of which was uncomfortable and made me more grumpy....don't bother, preggo people. Just stay as comfy as possible)
She left probably around 9pm, and I tried to get some sleep. I tried sleeping on the air mattress my dad brought over [which, according to my mom was the only thing she could sleep on. I found it damn near impossible to get up from though :/], I tried sleeping in our bed, and I finally tried sleeping on our couch. Once I was on the couch, I woke up from some pains...still not sure if it was contractions. I figured it was just more pressure on my bladder so I got up to pee. By the time I made it to the bathroom...all 7 steps away, my water broke. It was around 1:30am *sorry y'all it's about to get more graphic*
It wasn't a huge gush yet, but definitely tons more than the amount I'd been peeing the last few weeks. I got super excited, called David and said THIS IS IT! Then I called my folks and told them to come get my pregnant butt and take me to the hospital. [side note: I remember thinking "oh thank God I had gotten up from my brand new couch and my water broke over my tile floor!" haha ever the realist?]
Well after those two phone calls, I was left alone, and the gushing stopped. I panicked a bit.."Did I just pee my pants and send everyone in false alarm mode?" But thankfully right as I was thinking that, the gushing started again. Phew! The real deal! 
I went and put on a bit of makeup, just to calm myself really and do something that was out of habit. Put on something comfortable, other than my nighty, sat on the bouncy yoga ball, on a towel and waited to get picked up.
I was riding PURE adrenaline. Super excited, kind of nervous, but mostly relieved  that my water broke and I knew with 100% certainty that going to the hospital right then was the right thing to do, and that within 24 hours we'd have our lil chitlins. 

Me and my mom - Selfie in the hospital elevator heading up to L&D!

Me and my folks got to the hospital about 2 mins before David, and seeing him, all nervous, sleepy and excited already swelled my heart. We are doing this! [Let me say that after this point, I think it was around 2:30am, I have no recollection of the time. But it all felt very fast]
We got placed in a delivery room, and I got all hooked up to monitor each babies heartbeat and my contractions. I was finally starting to feel them, which was so not fun. The doctor came in, checked to make sure my water did indeed break and said I was 4cm dilated. David and I thought we'd be in that delivery room for a long time, since I had 6cm more to go!
By this point my initial adrenaline was wearing off, and I was just trying to breathe through the uncomfortableness. It didn't feel like we had been there very long...maybe a couple hours before I asked for the epidural. The doctors and nurses confirmed that there was no benefit in waiting to get it, and I figured why sit there in pain when I knew I was going to be getting one anyway. This was the first point that I really started to appreciate the nurses who work L&D. David had to leave the room while I received the epidural, and the nurse was so calming, and after I admitted to her I was super nervous about getting one, she said the initial numbing agent hurts more, but that it feels like a bee sting. And she was totally right!
I bent over a pillow [clutched it a bit too tight, maybe haha], felt the little bee sting, and next thing I knew it was over! It took maybe 30-40 mins to start feeling better, but when I did I actually took a nap. It was magical :) It was super comforting knowing that I wasn't stressed or in pain, that the epidural doesn't affect the babes and make them all drugged, and that if I needed an emergency c-section for Clare, I wouldn't have to be put under and miss her birth. I could also move my legs around still, so I didn't feel like a total lump. Everyone has their own birth preferences, but I will always recommend an epidural. It made the whole day amazing. Yay, modern medicine! 

This was right after my epidural and the last one of me preggo.
So excited to meet our bean sprouts!

Anyway, after getting the epi, taking a nap and just hanging out for maybe a couple more hours, the doctor came back to check me again. It was a different doctor from the first since we were admitted right at shift change basically. So the new one comes in, checks me out and is shocked to find out that I'm a full 10cm dilated! Both her and the nurse kept saying how surprised they were, and that we'd be moved to the OR in an hour. *cue my nerves again! The relaxing morning over, it was officially time to have these kids. Our folks came in one last time to wish us luck and give us love, David suited up in one of those awesome disposable scrub suits, and we were wheeled into the OR (in less than an hour, mind you...it definitely happened fast)

Ok, here is where things get really jumbled in my brain. And unfortunately I don't have any pics of any of this because neither David or I had our phones/camera on us. We just didn't think about it. And I remember the staff asking if David wanted to run and grab his phone, but I freaked out saying if he left, Jack might be born and he'd miss it. Things were just progressing so fast, it totally could have happened. 
There were what felt like a bajillion people in the room with us...David said after anywhere from 8 to 16 people at a time. The only people I really focused on was David, the nurse (I forget her name, but she turned out to be an awesome birthing coach), the doctor and Jeff, the anesthesiologist. Jeff was actually really supportive too, he held the oxygen tubes next to my nose when I said the mask was too distracting, he wiped tears away with a tissue when I was watching David with our two babies. He was surprisingly great. 
Ok...so what I remember is the doctor telling me how to push, someone on each side of me holding my legs, David at my head telling me how great I'm doing, how much he loves me. I felt like I pushed like 10 times before the doctor was saying the head was almost out, did I want to see? [eeew, no it'll freak me out!] and whoosh Jack was born! They threw him on my chest and OH MY GOSH my heart burst. He was crying!! Just a little life!!! A nurse took him over to a little station to my left where he could get cleaned up, and I just loved hearing his little cries. David stayed with me for a minute, I think unsure of who to be with, so I told him to go be with Jack so he wasn't alone. 
This is where it got really hard for me. I was looking at David with Jack, hearing things about him like his dimple and how much he weighed, how he was perfect. But I had another baby to get out! I finally had to say "stop talking to me, I have to focus". It felt horrible. I felt like I was already neglecting my new little love and neglecting my unborn little love. 
So I focused on that awesome nurse and my doctor, who then told my I had stopped contracting, and Clare wasn't enough engaged for me to push. I know they gave me some pitocin to kick start contractions, but I still wasn't feeling them at all [again, bless the epidural...] 
It was about half an hour before I could push again. I remember praying tons that she stayed head down [the nurses were sort of pushing on my stomach and had Clare up on the ultrasound machine the whole time] and in what felt like 4 pushes, she was on my chest! David had come back to my side once the doc said it was time to push again, and again we erupted in tears of joy when we heard that little turkey start crying. Totally miraculous. 

The first picture I took of them <3

Ok, here is where it got real rough for me again. David went off to the side with Clare [and Jack, who was still over in a little incubator thing] and I had to just watch my new little family start loving each other while I was stuck on the OR table having to deal with all the placentas and other stuff [that frankly, I still don't want to know about]. It was amazing seeing David become a father in that moment...swooning over our babies, but after about 2 minutes I felt super jealous that he got to be with them while I was basically bleeding out and having tons of hands push and knead my belly. Irrational I know, since I got to fall in love with them for 9 months, and this was David's special time, but its definitely how I felt.
I think that's why the placental delivery was so rough. It was the first bit of labor that actually hurt, and now looking back I'm not sure if it was completely because it was painful or I was just officially ready to be done.

So that's it! They wheeled us to a recovery room, where we had a bit of time to ourselves before we were wheeled away to the room we'd be staying in for that night and the next. I can't remember if I was holding them, but I'm sure I was since I knew they never went away from us. But my brain and body were just exhausted. My labor/delivery didn't feel particularly traumatic at the time, but after it was over, it was like my body was like OKAY, YOU REST NOW. 
I remember our parents coming in, and I remember noticing how swollen my hands and feet were but that's about it. 

Definite proof that I was holding them right after in our recovery room.
Thank goodness my mom always takes pictures!! I love these so much

I had to take a pic of how swollen I got! It made me laugh so hard! Until it didn't :/

I won't go into details about our hospital stay, mostly because this post is already so long. But aside from a little blood transfusion for me, it went way beyond my wildest dreams. God was definitely present that day and Mary was holding my hand.

Our first family photo. Thanks to the awesome nurse we had.
We didn't even think of taking a picture right before being discharged and she offered to snap one.
Thank goodness! It's another favorite :')